Semolina Pilchard – Review
Semolina Pilchard is a Liverpool set black comedy crime drama that sets a family feud against some distinctly Scouse scoundrelry, and it’s clear from the first few minutes that director Mike Clarke knows exactly the tone he’s after.
The setup is a good one. A Liverpool gangster, Gerry (Joe McGann), learns he hasn’t long left and summons his estranged eldest daughter Clara (Sarah-Louise Chadwick) home after five years away to discuss his legacy. What he hasn’t bargained for is his youngest daughter, who is more than a little unhappy with the arrangements and sets about trying to remove her sister from the picture and secure the inheritance for herself.
Chadwick anchors the film as Clara, and the quieter moments, particularly her reconnecting with people from her past, including Jack Ryder’s Des, give the story some emotional weight beneath the laughs. McGann brings plenty of presence to Gerry, and the supporting cast is packed with familiar British faces, among them Louis Emerick, James Dreyfus and Tina Malone, with Ricky Tomlinson turning up in a bizarre cameo early on. Louis Emerick deserves special credit for turning up in a flashback scene wearing the best (worst) wig ever. Clarke, who co-wrote with Daina Ann Smith, keeps things moving with energetic editing and stylish transitions, and the Liverpool locations give the whole thing an air of authenticity.
As a scouser, some of the accents drift into Tv’s Bread fake “I’m from Liverpooooooool”. Sophia Leanne Kelly puts in a pitch perfect performance as younger sister Danika but her accent grated a touch, especially noticeable in scenes with Chadwick, who has a genuine Liverpool accent. To be fair, if you’re not from Liverpool you probably won’t notice, or care.
Speaking of great performances, the whole cast put their all into their roles, whether it’s the completely unhinged Rosie, the Laurel and Hardy antics of Max and his bumbling crew or the general stupidity of Big Davey, each character feels lived in and fully fleshed out. Even Ricky Tomlinson’s train passenger felt a little bit like he regularly sits on a train; doing that.
As ever with a film of this size, you can see where a larger budget might have widened its ambitions, but it’s a confident, good-natured piece of work that never loses sight of its heart.
A lively, heartfelt Scouse crime comedy with plenty of local pride. It’s a film that deserves to be seen by a wider audience so now’s your chance as Semolina Pilchard is available on UK digital from 2nd of November 2026, courtesy of Trinity Content Partners.
